what not to do

So, I am sitting at my favorite bar tonight having a relaxing time with a friend. I am sitting in a bench seat next to this couple who seem to be on a first date. How cute I think to myself. The questions he asks her are very introductory, that is why I know that they do not know each other all that well or at all. The problem isn't his questions which are of the generic date variety, the problem are her answers. All of them seem to last around five minutes. After a few of her diatribes, I realize that she has probably done a nasty mix or Starbucks espresso shots and pints of french wine. (Could be harder stuff, she does look suburban) Her brain is definately working faster than her mouth. Throughout their stay he seems to be bored and you can tell that he is definately searching for a way out. His attempts to break into the conversation are stiffled though because she has found something else to talk about. Often these topics run into each other just so she doesn't have to stop yaking. No segway at all.
"Did you see that news story last night about that woman who was stealing money from her son sports team? The most live changing trip I have ever taken in my life was to Rome."

He brings up a topic she interjects with something she has to add often times talking over her date. (Guys hate being stepped on like that by the way) His only reprive is a cell phone call from her daughter (Yes, she is that loud I know who it is and she did have fun on her sport's teams trip) After her call he has worked up the courage and says those ever famous words:

"I kind of have to get up early tomorrow."
"Oh yeah, that's right I forgot about that." She replies.

He has already provided himself a way out, but since she has been talking the whole time she hasn't finished her dinner.

"I just want to kiss you right now." She says after taking another bite.
He mumbles something.
"Is it hot in here?" She says a while later.
"Yeah, it is a bit hot in here."
"It is like Arizona hot. Arizona at noon in June."
"Mumble, mumble, golf mumble."

So they get up to leave in a hurry. I think that it is all that "I want to kiss you"..."It is hot in here talk." Nudge, nudge, wink wink.

Before you read the following I would like to say that I am not a dating expert. Because I am an introvert I often times spend my time in social situations observing people and this is what I have found to be true. Take it how you want and if you think it is bullshit please feel free to write me and say so.

Anyway, here is my advice to all the single women out there:
1) Do NOT talk your date's ear off. It is okay to talk and to talk about yourself but realize when you haven't heard your date talk for a while that you are talking way too much.

2) Do NOT drink excessively on a date. Doesn't anyone watch Blind Date ? Actually I think that show should be required viewing before any date. Being drunk on a first date really gives a bad impression. If you are that self concious that the only way you feel comfortable is to drink, maybe you don't feel good enough about yourself to be dating. Assholes can smell a girl with low self esteem miles away.

3)If you have low self esteem do NOT have sex on the first date. If you are going to give it away, do not be pissed if the guy does not call you again. There really isn't a reason for him to put in anymore effort unless you are dynamite in the sack or a porn star. And don't call me upset and say "I met this great guy the other night. We went out on a first date and I had a lot of fun. I really want to see him again but he wont return any of my calls."

Anyway, I should go, i have to get up at 7:00 tomorrow and I have been pressing snooze a crazy amount.