my pockets hurt

I feel like I have lost my other best friend. I guess I would like to know if he is miserable too.


This is how I feel today....

bay-se mio qoragon de mib
yâ rabbî si se tornarad
tan mal mio doler al-garîb
enfermo ÿed quan sanarad

If you know what I am talking about please email lemonlifemail@yahoo.com

kids with guns who are all alone in the white light

While procrastinating from doing super tedious school district paperwork I decided to check out some songs to download from itunes. (I wonder if enough people read your blog and you mention itunes enough if they will give you free songs. Probably not.) I had no idea what the new Gorillaz album sounded like. The only song I had heard to this point was Feel Good, Inc. on the new IPOD commercial. I decided to give the rest of the album, Demon Days, the old ITUNES 30 second try. Is it just me or are all of the songs just basically?

name of song
break beat
a whoo hoo or two
name of song

Are they paying homage to the Beach Boys or have they just run out of ideas? Well really how long can a cartoon band for adults last?

Eye doo deeclarah

So, I am working from home today and since I am not home at this time usually, I took a gander at what I am missing on TV. I know that it is a national holiday. I am not a workaholic, I just couldn't afford another personal day for my birthday. I decided that I would just flip through the channels while combing my hair. I rested for a while on a "A Differnt World" I remember liking that show when I was younger, but now it is a bit dated and embarrassing to watch. What I had completely forgotten about or blocked out was what a bad actress Jasmin Guy was. I remember thinking that she was annoying when I was younger, but now at almost 29 I realized it was because of all the intense overacting. Couldn't they find someone else to play a southern bell than someone from Boston? As a former speach pathology major I wish I could phonetically work out what she sounds like and how loud and bad it is, but that would mean sitting through the show and showing you a bunch of symbols that you wouldn't understand. Here is a hint for all people who would like to torture me for information in the future. If I just wont crack, find Jasmin Guy and have her reprise her Whitley role as a one woman show without intermission. If you ever watch the show again you will know what I mean.

Born in the fourth barn in July

I heard the news about Oliver Stone’s arrest it reminded me of my own Oliver Stone drug story. It isn’t really mine per se, but at least I heard it first hand.

A few years back I went to the University of Iowa. I was dating at the time an aspiring film director. His movies were weird and deep and he was a GINORMOUS asshole. I was the muse for a lot of his movies and I should have known that when in one of them I met a violent end that it was going to be over soon.

Anyway, one of the years I was there, Oliver Stone came to speak at the University. The entire film department was in a buzz because he was there, even my boyfriend who previously thought Oliver Stone was becoming “too commercial.” Mr. Stone’s schedule included speaking during some of the classes about his craft, giving a talk to the public and immediately following the talk a late dinner with some of the students in the film club who helped to bring him there. I can’t remember now if my ex-boyfriend had gone. (I have mostly succeeded in blocking him out completely.) I do remember that one of his friends had gone though. His friend was very New York, blunt and pushy, I always told him that he would make a good producer. In fact that is what I think he is doing now.

This is what the friend had related to us about the dinner. Firstly, Mr. Stone was very late even though they had all left at the same time. If any of you know Iowa City you know that it is not that big. It honestly does not take that long to get from the main campus to the Pedestrian Mall. Anyway when he finally arrived at the restaurant to meet the anxious awestricken students he was completely obliterated. The friend wasn’t sure on what exactly what but was pretty sure coke was in the mix. The students were all pretty disappointed because although Mr. Stone was in their presence, he just wasn’t all that easy to talk to. Bret with his fuck it anyway attitude decided that he was not going to have this be a wasted opportunity for him and decided that although the conversation would definatly be one sided he was going to talk to one of his idols. The conversation between the two to me is now shady, but I do remember that Mr. Stone did give him his card with his personal office phone number on it.

A few months later after graduation he decided to use the card to his advantage. Here is what the conversation was like. (I wasn’t there and it has been a long time but the outcome will ultimately be the same)

He begins by speaking to the secretary and explains who he is:
“How did he get this number?” He can hear Oliver whisper to his secretary.
“How did you get this number?”
“I am one of the students that he met at the University of Iowa event. He gave me his card.”
“He says that you gave him his card.”
He can hear Mr. Stone muttering to himself. Basically the conclusion is that he cannot remember. The conversation between the secretary and Mr. Stone is loud enough for Brian to hear that fact.
“I want to talk to him about the internship that he offered me.”
“internship?”
Mr. Stone gets on the phone at this point.
“Oh, hi. Hi Bret, yeah I remember you.”
“Hi, I am calling about the internship that you offered me. I just finished school at the University of Iowa and am giving you a call like you suggested.”
They end up talking for a bit.
“Oh, yeah that’s right. Well, we will get you set up then. I will pass you back to my secretary and we will see you soon.”

Because he cannot remember, Bret ends up getting the internship with Mr. Stone that summer. Yes, he did trick Mr. Stone into giving him an internship. But if you show up somewhere completely blitzed in front of a bunch of hungry film students you kind of deserve it.

Yay!

I have been linked!! And by none other than my favorite blogstress. I feel like an up and coming actor who has been given the thumbs up by Bobby DeNiro. Thank you!

On the downside I have to be careful what I say now due to the fact that she and I have mutual acquaintences. There is one entry I am already glad that I was too lazy to post. I also can't go on diatribes about what a *@$%^& my very recent ex is. (It is not one of those bitter things, it was more going to be a girls guide to those of us who coninuously attract the wounded soul types)

All in all I am very happy and she said very flattering things about me. Thank you for brightening my week, it has been a hard couple of days.

Be careful what you wish for

My wish came true. Five days early, but it came true all the same. Now that it has came true I realize that maybe I didn't want it to. Is there some kind of wish game antidote? Now that I know the power of the wish game I would have much rather had wished that I would win the powerball jackpot. It's $218 million.

NOTE TO ALL WHO PARTICIPATE IN WISH GAME IN THE FOLLOWING ENTRY:
Choose your wish carefully and make sure you are ready to take on your wish if it does come true.

My wish has become a burden that I do not have the strength to articulate.

Brought to you by Hookers

This is a game brought to you by Hookers on Stilts. I want my wish to come true too.

your instincts has its advantages all the time... This is freaky as anything...DO NOT CHEAT (You'll will kick yourself later) I was a little skeptical trying this, but if you follow the instructions to the "t" you'll be surprised!!!! All of my answers were accurate. We'll see tomorrow if the wish comes true. I'll let you know. Take 3 minutes and try this...it will freak you out! The person who sent it to me said her wish came true 10 minutes after they read the mail. BUT NO CHEATING! This game has a funny/spooky outcome. Don't read ahead...just do it in order! It takes about three minutes...it's worth a try :) First..get a pen and paper. When you actually choose names, make sure it's people you actually know and go with your first instinct. Scroll down one line at a time...and don't read ahead or you'll ruin it!
1. First, write the numbers 1 through 11 in a column. 2. Then, beside numbers 1 and 2, write down any two numbers you want. 3. Beside the 3 and 7, write down the names of members of the opposite sex. NO LOOKING AHEAD...OR IT WON"T TURN OUT RIGHT! 4. Write anyone's name (like friends or family....) in the 4th, 5th, and 6th spots. 5. Write down four song titles in 8,9,10, and 11. GO WITH YOUR INSTINCT PEOPLE!!!! 6. Finally, make a wish.
And now the key for the game..... 1. You must tell (the number in space 2) people about this game. 2. The person in space 3 is the one that you love. 3. The person in 7 is one you like but can't work out. 4. You care most about the person you put in 4. 5. The person you name in number 5 is the one who knows you very well. 6. The person you name in 6 is your lucky star. 7. The song in 8 is the song that matches with the person in number 3. 8. The title in 9 is the song for the person in 7. 9. The tenth space is the song that tells you most about YOUR mind. 10. and 11 is the song telling you how you feel about life NOW...post this bulletin (dont reply) within the hour... IF you do.. your wish will come true... If you don't it will become the opposite u must post this in another room in 3 hours!!!! GOOD LUCK

Down the toilet

Last night my long distance relationship ended. Right after the phone call I plunged the toilet in my apartment. I thought that was a fitting metaphor.

Song stuck in my head is "I Just Don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You" by Colin Hay

Feckless

Feckless is a word that I save and use to describe certain people. If you do not know what feckless means here is the Merriam-Webster definition:

Main Entry: feck·less

Pronunciation: 'fek-l&s

Function: adjective

Etymology: Scots, from feck effect, majority, from Middle English (Sc) fek, alteration of Middle English effect<

1 : WEAK, INEFFECTIVE

2 : WORTHLESS, IRRESPONSIBLE

Now that you know what it means feel free to use it as often as possible, especially when describing other people you work with.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

So, when Gavin Rosedale heard his wife Gwen Stefani’s new release “Holla Back Girl” for the first time and heard the lyrics:

“This shit is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S.”

Did he say in his polite British way that he thought it was “Brilliant”?

shao lin blood suckers

Why do all vampires on television and movies know kung fu?

Amor de lejos Amor de pendejos

The above title roughly translates to:

"Long distance love is the love of idiots"

I work at a non profit in the Latino community. Many of my co-workers are Latino. When I told one of them that I am currently in a long distance relationship he said that there are two old sayings regarding long distance relationships. The first one is "amor de lejos amor de pendejos" the second one is:

"Amor de lejos, los cuatro son felices./ In a long distance relationship there are four happy people "

The hardest days to be in a long distance relationship are days like today. Days when it is gray and rainy and all you want to do is stay in bed and be with the one you love and stare out the window and watch it rain. It is days like this that make me realize that I really miss him.

I'm sad now and I think that I am just going to go to sleep. Maybe tomorrow it will be sunny.

what not to do

So, I am sitting at my favorite bar tonight having a relaxing time with a friend. I am sitting in a bench seat next to this couple who seem to be on a first date. How cute I think to myself. The questions he asks her are very introductory, that is why I know that they do not know each other all that well or at all. The problem isn't his questions which are of the generic date variety, the problem are her answers. All of them seem to last around five minutes. After a few of her diatribes, I realize that she has probably done a nasty mix or Starbucks espresso shots and pints of french wine. (Could be harder stuff, she does look suburban) Her brain is definately working faster than her mouth. Throughout their stay he seems to be bored and you can tell that he is definately searching for a way out. His attempts to break into the conversation are stiffled though because she has found something else to talk about. Often these topics run into each other just so she doesn't have to stop yaking. No segway at all.
"Did you see that news story last night about that woman who was stealing money from her son sports team? The most live changing trip I have ever taken in my life was to Rome."

He brings up a topic she interjects with something she has to add often times talking over her date. (Guys hate being stepped on like that by the way) His only reprive is a cell phone call from her daughter (Yes, she is that loud I know who it is and she did have fun on her sport's teams trip) After her call he has worked up the courage and says those ever famous words:

"I kind of have to get up early tomorrow."
"Oh yeah, that's right I forgot about that." She replies.

He has already provided himself a way out, but since she has been talking the whole time she hasn't finished her dinner.

"I just want to kiss you right now." She says after taking another bite.
He mumbles something.
"Is it hot in here?" She says a while later.
"Yeah, it is a bit hot in here."
"It is like Arizona hot. Arizona at noon in June."
"Mumble, mumble, golf mumble."

So they get up to leave in a hurry. I think that it is all that "I want to kiss you"..."It is hot in here talk." Nudge, nudge, wink wink.

Before you read the following I would like to say that I am not a dating expert. Because I am an introvert I often times spend my time in social situations observing people and this is what I have found to be true. Take it how you want and if you think it is bullshit please feel free to write me and say so.

Anyway, here is my advice to all the single women out there:
1) Do NOT talk your date's ear off. It is okay to talk and to talk about yourself but realize when you haven't heard your date talk for a while that you are talking way too much.

2) Do NOT drink excessively on a date. Doesn't anyone watch Blind Date ? Actually I think that show should be required viewing before any date. Being drunk on a first date really gives a bad impression. If you are that self concious that the only way you feel comfortable is to drink, maybe you don't feel good enough about yourself to be dating. Assholes can smell a girl with low self esteem miles away.

3)If you have low self esteem do NOT have sex on the first date. If you are going to give it away, do not be pissed if the guy does not call you again. There really isn't a reason for him to put in anymore effort unless you are dynamite in the sack or a porn star. And don't call me upset and say "I met this great guy the other night. We went out on a first date and I had a lot of fun. I really want to see him again but he wont return any of my calls."

Anyway, I should go, i have to get up at 7:00 tomorrow and I have been pressing snooze a crazy amount.

If I'm not doing it for you

I came to blogger and blogging because of a blog written by a former classmate of mine. Her blog Hookers on Stilts is one of the things that get me through my day. It is funny, shocking, keeps me on the know about former classmates of mine and helps me not feel so (fill in the blank).

While browsing blogger I also found another blog that I have become addicted to. This one is called Waiter Rant It reminds me of the days I spent supporting myself through college at a super trendy restuarant. The people who dined there were bitchy and demanding and the fellow staff (I do not just mean the servers) were so coked up that the place could be powered by their excess energy. I played around with the idea of writing a play about the restuarant aptly named:
SODDOM AND GOMORRAH STILL EXISTS

I am too far away from the whole experience to write this now, but I am kicking myself for not doing it. The person who writes Waiter Rant would be a good ghost writer.

So, these are the blogs that I like and if I'm not doing it for you please check out these blogs.

Song in my head this evening is: "Warning Sign" by Coldplay

Stuck in a time warp

On Thursdays and Saturdays I sit at the same coffee shop to write but I end up people watching instead. I have already carved out a place for myself sitting at the bar that over looks a pedestrian mall, which is really good for said activity. Usually I am wearing my ipod and it makes me giggle to watch businessmen walk to the beat to Peaches or some other mismatched pairing. What baffles me most in my people watching is how many people are stuck in a time warp. I live in a pretty metropolitan area; we have access to television and fashion magazines so I am not sure why the ‘80’s are alive and well here. Over the course of the three or so weeks that I have attempted being a writer again I have witnessed the following:

• Women who mold their bangs ‘80’s style. You know what I am talking about. The feathering, the ratting, the side blow outs that look like they have fins growing out of their heads if you see them from the back.


• Mullets of all shapes and sizes with varying curliness on people of all ages and genders.


• Rat tails of all lengths


• Zubaz (see badfads )


• I actually smelled an older women wearing exclamation perfume. I haven’t smelled it since 5th grade so it took a while to place.


• Frosted jeans

Why are people still dressing like this? The ‘80’s were 25 years ago. There is no reason why you and your grandson need too have matching mullets. If anyone has any idea why this is still happening in our inner cities please feel free to comment.

Although, it makes me wonder what was so great about their past that they have to hang onto that time period still. Maybe they can bottle that up and sell it to me.

Because it is in my blog description

In case you were wondering what is stuck in my head tonight, "Comfortably Numb" by Pink Floyd.

the neighbors of my life

So now that it is spring there has been a complete overhaul on who lives in my building and the building adjacent to mine.

Throughout my rental history my neighbors have always been really inconsiderate people. Now as I sit and try to watch t.v. I am forced to listen to the heavy bass of my downstairs neighbor’s music. To clue you in to the extent of his bass I would like to note that he is also a dj. He has lived here for a while, but recently his girlfriend moved out so he has lost his nice buffer. I have always thought he was a jackass and other people in the building share my view. He is aware of this and he used to pimp out his girlfriend to borrow sugar, borrow movies or get rides to the grocery store. No one would ever give it to him if he asked on his own. Asking him for something in return is out of the question. He freaked out once because my roommate asked him for a roll of toilet paper. Anyway, now that the girlfriend is gone he is letting his true asshole out. His music will end around 10 p.m. that will only give about two hours before the fucker on the other end of the building begins to practice drumming. Yes your addition in right Mr. F. starts drumming at midnight or later and will sometimes drum until 7:00 a.m. This cycle has been happening for about three weeks. My roommate has taken to sleeping in the living room now. I am not a prude but when you come home from work in an after school program inside of an alternative charter high school all you want is a little piece and quiet. The only way I think that I will get it though is if I decide to deafen myself.

Although this is bad, but not as bad as the duplex I lived in with my sister a couple of years ago. My neighbors in the duplex had a very interesting living situation and interesting parenting skills. The people who live there are: the mother, father, the teenaged girlfriend of their son and the girlfriend's and son's little girl. The little girl is a victim of what looks like cerebral palsy.

The first few months are fine, you wouldn’t know that we had neighbors, then more and more often the son/boyfriend starts coming around with his friends. These boys end up having a run of the house whenever they are there and end up staying there for weeks at a time and often disappearing for the same time period. You always know when the boys are home because the entire house smells like pot and the music is so loud the neighboring house can hear the music. (I asked they said yes.) The afternoons after the gang wake up and the weekends are non-stop music. Sleeping is non-existent Fridays through Sundays. I wish I were exaggerating when I say that it was pure torture. For the second Christmas that I lived there the son/boyfriend got a microphone so not only do I have to hear the 8 mile soundtrack for weeks on end, but I also have to hear this kid rap badly along with it at full microphone loudness. There are not words to describe how loud this is. Once he got the mic he stayed until we got them evicted in May.

The boy is not supposed to live there. I know this because the landlord has said so (He seemed surprised when I let him know about him) and I think that it is also a condition of the state that the boyfriend does not live there. (I believe because of the little girl’s condition) A Social Worker visits about once a week and when she comes to the door you can see this boy run to the garage and shut the door. (The walls are thin and the house is heavily insulated due to its proximity to the airport so the conversations have hinted to him not being in their life as a condition.)

We have had several instances where we have talked to them about the noise. One time my sister ends up going over there because once again we cannot hear the movie we are trying to watch and are getting contact highs. When she comes back she tells me the dad and the group of boys were sitting on the couch smoking marijuana and the loud music ends up being a porn movie.

The saddest thing about this living situation is that the little girl is wheelchair bound from her condition. It sounds like she is often alone somewhere in the house, because the duplex is old and hardly wheelchair accessible and they just leave her where ever. While everyone else is downstairs with the music so loud you can’t think this little girl is screaming for her mother, who often abandons her where she is not. The girl calls for her for hours until her voice just can’t call any more and her cries are muffled sqeaks. It ends up breaking my heart.

Deep down I hope that their getting evicted makes them think about the little girl, how the eviction looks to the social worker and maybe scares them a little about losing her. I am pessimistic though and doubt that what my sister and I did had any effect on that situation.

Cuidate Cynthia. Todavia pienso en ti y ojala que tu estas mejor.

one more month

In exactly one month from today I will be 29. Yes, I am someone who takes their birthday seriously. I am not sure what I have planned yet, but rest assured all of my friends will be completely broke by then. I don't want presents. I just want to enjoy a drink or two with my friends and maybe only pay for half of them. If you were my friend these are the things that I will make sure happen on your birthday:

1) You will definately get a card. Most friends will also get a gift of some sort.

2) You will never have to pay for a drink and you probably wont have to pay for your own dinner.

I doubt any of my friends read this blog. In fact I know that they don't. If you have a friend with a birthday coming up at least buy them a drink and say "Happy Birthday, (Man/girl)" They will appreciate it.

roadtrip from the southwest

Here is a little about me.
My junior and senior year I went to a public art based high school. It was very small due to the fact that there was a pretty extensive application process. People think that it is strange that I was one of 120 or so in my graduating class.
My high school is often likened to Fame. (The people here actually call it that. "Oh, you went to Fame.") I guess that there are some similarities but there was never a time when we all broke out in a simultaneous pre-choreographed dance and singing number. Another way it was not like fame was that we actually had some non performing arts areas of focus. Among the dancers, musicians and thespians were writers, visual artists and media artists (a.k.a. video production and photography)

I had a friend in the dance art area. We have completely lost touch since 2000 but occasionally I will get emails from her to go see her performances. I don’t think that it is a coincidence that she only wants to see me when I have to pay $15 to $20 to see her. I dread these emails. Before you say to yourself: ”God, what a bitch. Why wouldn't she want to support her friend."let me explain my point of view.

The fact that we live in the same city and the only time I hear from her is when she wants to buy a ticket to see her kind of makes me annoyed. It wouldn’t be so bad if her choreography wasn’t so painful to watch.

This is what happened the last time I went.

Setting: The performance takes place in small local no frills theater in a bar.
Imagine yourself: You watch a man and a woman pull a couple dilapiated card table chairs onto the stage and set them side by side. House lights go down. When the lights come up a man and a woman are sitting and the man is making very exaggerated driving motions. They both bounce in their seats, suppose that the car has extremely bad shocks. (For three minutes or so) Then they look at each other, look away from each other and then take turns looking at the person while the other person looks away. (This goes on for a while) They both begin to make shifting car noises sound effects (Think 4 year old boy and tonka trucks) They make these noises in conjunction with making simultaneous shifting movements with their arms. Both of them. (This goes on for a while.) Then they shake their heads in unison very violently to take breaks to scream at each other:
“Are we there yet?arewethereyet?arewethereyet?"
They begin the cycle of shaking their heads and repeating are we there yet for quite some time.
Then for no reason they begin to have a fake gun fight. (In a car???) Then they begin to stand on the chairs have air fights and gun fights. We know that the dance is coming to an end when they take turns picking each other up and twirling each other around. (A pure demosntration of strength on both of their parts)
When all is said and done the piece is about 10 minutes.

Another friend, also a graduate of said school, (also with the blog with all of the bad things that happen to him) accompanied me because he also received an email invitation. We both were confused about what to think. We both wanted to laugh, i was so speechless that all that would come out of my mouth were random clicks from my throat. We both could not wait to bolt as soon as the show was over because the worst thing that can happen is if the performer asks you what you thought. Your response can’t be: “What the hell were you thinking? What the fuck was that?” We ended up running out of there, which may have been rude, but which would have been ruder.

I received another email from her a couple days ago to see her new show. I think I’ll skip it this time and save the 15 dollars.

Note: I have also watched her and a former roommate French braid their hair on stage.